i’m gonna go to a club and when the guy out front asks for my ID i’m gonna give it to him and when he’s done lookin at it and goes to hand it back to me i’m gonna say “keep it” and disappear into a hole in the ground.
i see people fly kites sometimes. i’m like, where the fuck did you even get that thing? who has the time? what is a kite? why won’t you let your kid play with it? you’re an asshole. where did you get it?
tfw you start to masturbate and then yr like nah i ain’t got time for this and just stop
i wish i could be a dog and not understand anything you say.
there are countless times during twin peaks where i just roll my eyes and say “shut the fuck up outta here” to audrey horne.
Things are going to work out, and I’m never going to stop insisting that things are going to work out.
my brother came into my room speaking german, refused to speak anything other than german, became exasperated that i couldn’t understand him, and then left.